


Coping Mechanisms

by MamaHen



Series: Memento Vivere [2]
Category: Persona 3
Genre: Angst, Cutting, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Graphic Description, Hurt/Comfort, I don't know yet!, Is it both?, Is this found family?, Jumping straight into the deep end here, Mental Health Issues, POV Female Character, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Starts really dark and gets softer, Unreliable Narrator, ambiguously platonic, ambiguously romantic, is this shipping?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-10-31 08:06:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17845598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MamaHen/pseuds/MamaHen
Summary: Minako didn't like to talk about how she dealt with stress. Yukari didn't like to see her friend suffering. One of them was going to have to compromise, and Yukari could be very stubborn.





	1. A Chance To Be Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I could put this in flaming bold letters, I would: 
> 
> SELF-HARM TRIGGER WARNING. 
> 
> Softballing something like this would be disrespectful. If you're worried about missing something, everything that happens here can be picked up from context, so don't be afraid to skip this first chapter.

"A new school, tennis club, student council, leading us, and now exams, too?" Yukari shook her head as she walked with Minako through the courtyard. It was the middle of May, warm and bright, and the two of them had decided to go for a walk after class, get some air before another evening spent buckling down preparing for tests. "Girl, I don't know how you handle it. Aren't you stressed out?"

Minako smiled and shrugged, playing with the scrunchie wrapped around her wrist, pulling on it and letting it snap back. She let go after a moment, slipping into a half-jog to keep up with Yukari. The difficulties of being a short girl. "I'm alright."

“If you say so. But if you ever need help, just let me know, _ne_?” 

\----------

Minako closed the door to her room as quietly as she could manage, clicking the lock shut. She knew it would hold, but she still scooted the chair over to prop it up under the knob. The lock was good and no one had ever tried to barge into her room, but it was a habit, almost part of the ritual. Her hands were shaking as she pulled away. 

It had been almost a week since she’d last had a chance to be alone. A combination of studying and training had been eating up her evenings, and by the time she was done with either of those, she was too tired to focus. Tonight was supposed to be another night of studying, exams were still looming, but Minako had caught herself scratching at her wrists hard enough to leave marks. If she waited any longer, she might explode.

Kneeling down on the floor, Minako leaned over to reach under her bed, feeling for the little wooden box hidden behind some shoes and dirty clothes. She slid it out and looked at the box, staring at herself in the little heart-shaped mirror on the lid. Her foundation was too thick, her eyeliner was lopsided, and there was a zit starting to form on her forehead. Had she really gone outside looking like that?

More eager than ever, Minako pulled a necklace out from under her shirt, sliding it into a lock on the box and turning until it popped open. Minako frowned as she looked at what was left inside. Cotton balls and hydrogen peroxide were easy to come by, she could pilfer some from the bathroom or pick them up at the drugstore and no one would blink twice. Sanada-senpai once even complimented her on her practicality, stocking up on mundane first-aid as well as magical. The problem was razors. Most of them had either gone dull from use, or rusted because she hadn’t been able to clean them properly in time. Sighing, Minako pulled out and began wiping down the oldest blade, sterilizing it as best she could without hot water. This would probably be the last use she could get out of it without risking an infection.

Satisfied that it was as clean as it was going to get, Minako shifted her position, and rolled up her skirt, tucking it into the waistband. The pale skin of her thighs was marred by little horizontal scars that wrapped around the inner side. Letting out a long, slow breath, she found a spot between two of the existing marks, at the edge closest to the floor, pressing in. Her body tensed, old instincts now at odds with the new ones her battles in Tartarus were giving her. Several seconds of Minako reminding herself that this was a good pain passed before she could press in deeper. Finally, she felt the skin break, and took in a short, sharp breath. The razor was getting dull after all, but she was too deep into it to stop; she needed the release.

Carefully, slower than usual, Minako dragged the tip of the razor around her left thigh. Already, she could feel drops of blood running down towards the carpet. She’d forgotten to put paper towels down, and there was going to be a stain she’d have to get out later. One more screw-up to add to the list.

Frustrated that even her last refuge wasn’t freeing her from her thoughts, Minako pressed the blade in harder. A noise tried to come up and she choked it out in her throat, biting her lip. Tears gathered and fell, drawing clear lines down her cheek as she drew red lines up her thighs. 

_Finally…._

\----------

Clean-up took a bit longer than usual. Minako had made a half-dozen cuts this time, and they were deep and messy, made with a razor that wasn’t sharp enough to be precise. She had to wrap the whole area with a bandage and just hope no one noticed if she limped. At least there wouldn’t be any complaints about not going to Tartarus for the next few nights.

With the box stowed away, Minako stood up, pulling the chair away from the door and back towards the desk. Her Composition exam was on Monday, and she’d need to have it down pat if she didn’t want Kirijo-senpai lecturing her into a crater.


	2. Pretending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minako's convinced Yukari doesn't want to be her friend any more, and finally decides to say something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! This is a hurt/comfort fic now. Turns out I couldn’t just leave things on that sour note. And Yukari needs more love, so...

Yukari had been quiet lately. Minako had only known her for a couple of months, but she could feel something different in their conversations. There was a distance now, a sudden feeling that this girl she’d called her friend… wasn’t anymore. At first Minako tried to tell herself it was her imagination, or that she was tired from the battles, or from exams, or… there were a lot of excuses, but they had too many gaps between them. That little voice in the back of her head was right. As always.

From the moment Minako accepted the truth, every day was harder than the last. Losing friends always hurt, but at least she could just avoid those people, stop making them have to pretend. Yukari, though… Yukari was part of SEES, and the only competent healer among them. Even if she wanted to bench her over something so petty, she couldn’t. It wouldn’t be fair, and they needed her. So, Minako just pretended. She pretended it was okay. She pretended she didn’t notice. She pretended it didn’t bother her. She pretended and pretended and pretended, and she didn’t even last a week until she couldn’t pretend any more. They were at the Wild Duck when it happened, struggling through small talk about classes and the weather. Yukari was saying something about the rain, forcing herself to smile for the thousandth, and Minako finally broke.

 _“Stop it!”_ Minako hit the table with both her fists in frustration, and the table rattled under them. Yukari went silent mid-word, eyes wide, leaning back in her seat, away from the table and away from Minako. “Stop pretending to like me!”

“Minako-chan…?” Yukari touched tips of her fingers on her right hand to her lips, again hesitating, trying to find the right words to lie, to let her down easy. There was no reason for Minako to let her waste the energy, so she pressed on, quieter this time, but no less insistent.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to be my friend any more, Ta-...” Minako’s nickname for Yukari, _Taka-chan_ , died on her lips. “Yukari-chan. You don’t talk to me any more, not about anything important. Not about anything that matters to you. And every time I ask if you want to hang out now, you always hesitate.”

“Minako-chan, that’s not-”

“I said stop!” Minako clenched her fists tightly, tight enough that she could feel her nails digging into her palms. The pain helped her hold back her tears; crying would just make even more of a scene. “Please, just... stop. Stop lying to me. If it’s about SEES, we can figure something out. I won’t punish you for not liking me. But, I can’t just ke-”

 ** _”That’s not it!”_** This time, it was Yukari’s turn to yell, and Minako’s turn to be left in stunned silence. “That’s not it at all!”

Minako couldn’t see what kind of face Yukari was making, because that would mean looking at her, and Minako had been desperately avoiding eye contact since the conversation started. And now that Yukari was the one dishing it out, Minako couldn’t take it. She couldn’t even respond. All she could do is sit in silence and wait for Yukari to tell her why she’d lost her only real friend.

“I don’t hate you, Minako-chan,” Yukari continued, her voice softer this time. “I’m worried about you. Something’s going on with you, but I’m not good at these things. I didn’t know how to bring it up.”

Immediately defensive, Minako shook her head, suddenly broken out of the spell she’d been under. “There’s nothing wrong with me, Taka-chan, I’m just a little tired.”

“Then where did those scars on your legs come from?”

The words hit Minako harder than a truck, harder than any bully or monster or guardian ever had. She opened her mouth to offer some kind of retort, some denial, but no sound came out. How could Yukari have known about those? She was always so careful! “I…”

“That’s what I was afraid of.” Yukari sighed, leaning forward to put her hands over Minako’s and gripped them tightly. Despite herself, Minako couldn’t help but reach out and squeeze back, desperate for something to hold onto. There was a long silence, and when Minako finally brought herself to look up, Yukari was scanning around the room, taking stock of how many people were watching them. There were several. “I don’t wanna talk about this here, do you?”

Yukari rose to her feet, and Minako followed her, shaking her head in response to the question. “No…”

“Let’s go back to the dorm, then, _ne?_ ” Before Minako could really come up with a response, Yukari was already pulling her along, out the door and towards somewhere a little safer.


End file.
